Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
