alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
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