Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
