walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
