I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
