I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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