Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
