I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Randomize
