u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Randomize
