he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Never joke about your clitoris.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
