Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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