What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
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