the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
no you cant smoke seaweed
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize