I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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