dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Randomize
