Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Randomize
