Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
