i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Randomize
