It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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