we have officially mastered the walk of shame
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
