If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
