I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize
