"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
jump out the window naked night went bad
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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