ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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