I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize