I accidentally had phone sex last night
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
