So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
