now i know why i became what i already was.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
