so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
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