i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
