I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
