We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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