I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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