Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Randomize
