i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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