Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
