Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Randomize
