y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Randomize
