what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
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