I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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