So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
