Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
