We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
