the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
