went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
