What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
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