i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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