are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
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