one might say we're banned from that church
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
