I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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