i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Randomize
