i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
