My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
