We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
That accounts for only three of the penises
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
